Road Trip
by SetsuntaMew
Summary: Deleted, rewritten in paragraph form, and reposted for all! Various KH characters are dragged on a road trip across the country. Poor them. Pairings are slightly different than the first time around, so don't get offended if you don't like 'em.
1. Chapter 1

**Road Trip**  
by SetsuntaMew 

Okay! I wrote this last summer, but it was in script format. I'm really bored, so I'm going to 'fix it' by making it in paragraph form. Stupid rules... And I'm going to continue to use Setsunta as my name, since it's what I always use for this type of stuff. And I'm cutting out Chrysta. Forget my anal-ness for making groups even. I don't like her anymore and I'm more of a Rikairu fan than Sokairi now.

**Disclaimer**: If you haven't figured out that I don't own Kingdom Hearts yet, you need serious mental help. Really, you do. I'm not kidding.

* * *

One sunny summer day, a teenage girl decided that she wanted to go on a road trip with the characters of Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy VII. Never mind that they weren't real. She'd fix that somehow. And fix it she did. Now, her and those she had chosen were milling around near the tour bus that she had hired.

"Okay everyone, time for roll call!" the girl, Setsunta, called out.

"Roll call?" Riku questioned.

"Yes, roll call. I have to make sure everyone's here before we get on the bus! I really wouldn't want anyone to miss this exciting opportunity!" she answered.

"Is it a roll call of darkness?" Ansem asked hopefully.

Setsunta gave him a look that clearly showed that she was worried for his sanity. "...sure?" she told him hesitantly.

Ansem clasped his hands together in glee. "Yay!"

"Right then. On to roll call! Sora?" Setsunta began.

"I'm here." The brown-haired keyblade wielder didn't appear to be too happy about going on this road trip. He had heard rumors that the innocent-looking girl that was leading them all had something against him. And somehow, he could sense her immense authoress powers. This trip could be hell for him.

"Riku"

"Here." The silver-haired boy had a look on his face as though he had something better to do at the time. He was also a little wary of their leader, but not because she didn't like him. Oh no, he had heard that she went into squeeing fangirl mode over him. He really didn't feel like being glomped for however long this trip was.

"Kairi?"

"Here!" The red-haired princess of heart was currently standing between Sora and Riku. Her expression was completely opposite of the two boys: she looked as though she was genuinely looking forward to the trip. It seemed like it would be interesting.

"Yuffie?"

"I'm here, and Squall is too!" The bubbly shinobi actually wasn't dreading the trip. She enjoyed seeing new places, and she could probably find new ways to annoy the hell out of Squall.

"My name is _Leon_," he stressed. Squall, on the other hand, had an expression of complete disinterest. He'd rather _not_ be there, but if he said anything, Yuffie was sure to be even more annoying. Also, he had a feeling that the teenager in charge would try to force her enthusiasm on him.

"Oh, stop your complaining. She's just flirting with you, Leon," Setsunta said, clicking her tongue at them as though they were small children and she had the wisdom of the world. "And your never-ending correcting is your way of flirting back."

"WE'RE NOT FLIRTING!" Leon and Yuffie protested loudly.

"Suuuuuuuuuuure... Aerith?"

No answer, just the crickets chirping. "Have any of you see Aerith?" Setsunta asked.

"Well, I saw her dragging Cloud off somewhere earlier," Kairi answered.

"Is Cloud here?"

"Nah. Poor guys feels bad for her, since she was dead and all," Yuffie said, pointedly glaring at Sephiroth. He ignored it.

"Oh, fine then. We'll go search for them later. Is Ansem here?"

"Wherever I go, the darkness follows. Feel it, feel the darkness!" The whole area became dark and Ansem glowed blue-ish white while rising up to float above them all. "I can feel the power of darkness flowing into me. Oh, the **power**! BWAHAHAHA!"

Sora hit him in the foot with his keyblade.

"DAMN IT! That hurts, brat!" Ansem clutched his foot and muttered curses under his breath. Unfortunately, this caused him to lose concentration on floating and his darkness, so he fell and light returned to the scene. "Ow..."

"Right then. Continuing on... Sephiroth?"

"Yes, I am here. Though I don't know why I came to this stupid 'road trip' thing in the first place. It's interrupting my world domination plans."

"Because road trips are fun, that's why. All right everyone, time to find Cloud and Aerith," Setsunta said.

After five minutes of searching and many last minute bathroom trips, the two had been found. Aerith had been trying to hail a cab to the nearest hotel while Cloud trailed along unhappily. He'd rather not be following her, but he has major guilt issues over her death. Poor Cloud.

Setsunta was reprimanding the two. "No more escaping. I don't enjoy losing people, okay? Now that _that's_ over with, get on the bus! This road trip is officially beginning!"

* * *

Now, the bus wasn't just a dinky school bus or something. Oh no, it was a full size tour bus, and a very nice one at that. Sora, Kairi, and Riku dominated the back two rows of seats. Yuffie, Leon, Cloud, and Aerith sat around the middle, with Aerith clinging all over the blond spikey-haired one. Ansem and Sephiroth were forced to sit near the front so that Setsunta could make sure their world domination plans didn't get out of control. Everyone was basically settled in and things were going smoothly. No deaths yet.

Then Sora started to complain.

"I'm hungry," he said.

"Sora, we've only been on the road for 15 minutes. Can't you think about something other than your stomach?" Kairi asked him.

"No, not really," Sora answered.

"NO COMPLAINING ON MY BUS!" Setsunta yelled from the front. Sora 'meeped' and shut up.

Well, for five minutes. Because then he started asking the most annoying road trip question of all time: "Are we there yet?"

"No. We've only been driving for about 20 minutes," Riku answered.

"Are you _sure_?"

Riku sighed. "Yes."

Sora paused for a moment. This time, he asked louder, loud enough for the group in the middle to hear: "Are we there yet?"

"No, we're not. You just asked," Leon answered him. Cloud was too busy trying to politely get Aerith off of him to bother listening to Sora.

"Are you positively sure we're not there yet?"

"Shut up, Sora. Annoying Squall is _my_ job," Yuffie stated.

Leon sighed. "It's Leon."

Once again, Sora paused. And once again, he raised his voice. By now, everyone could hear the question: "Are we there yet?"

Ansem took it upon himself to answer: "If we were there you would see lots and lots of darkness. Do you see any darkness at all?"

"I hate to break it to you, Ansem, but there actually won't be that much darkness where we're going," Setsunta butted in.

"No darkness?" Ansem looked hurt.

"Sorry? Oh and Sora, no, we're not there yet."

Sora would not let this deter him. He had to ask just once more: "Are we there _yet_?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! You stupid, pitiful little keyblade-wielding brat, do not ever **dare** ask again, or I will slice your head off with my precious Masamune and stick it on the top of the nearest pole!" Sephiroth roared.

Everyone went silent. There had been soft chattering before, but now you could hear a pin drop. And yet some people just don't know when to stop.

"Are we there yet?"

Everyone else on the bus screamed a resounding '**NO!**' before going at Sora with various weapons (i.e.: duct tape, string, rope, muffins).

Sora let out a high-pitched squeal and tried to hide. No success, for five minutes later he was tied to a seat in the front with multiple pieces of duct tape over his mouth. Sephiroth sat across the aisle with his hand on the hilt of his Masamune, just in case Sora wanted to ask again.

* * *

Yay! One chapter down! I think that there are parts that are better now, but also parts that are worse due to lack of script-ness. Anyway, I'd love it if you would review, especially if you've read the original. I'd feel special. If you haven't read the original, it can be found on my website (go to my profile and click on my homepage) if you'd like to read it.

I _can_ tell how many people actually visit the story, so I'll _know_ if you read it without reviewing. So drop a review so that I don't go ninja on your ass. You know you want to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Road Trip**  
by SetsuntaMew 

This is all being written while on the car ride to Washington DC, and I just passed 'Licking Creek'. I'll add that to my list of lick-related signs. So far I have the Lick 'n Putt (an ice cream and putt putt golf place), the Lick Hollow Picnic Area, and now Licking Creek. Man, I love the US. Such wonderful names for things.

Continuing on. Since I wrote this last summer, there is nothing in here that deals with CoM or KH2. None whatsoever. Also, there's no FFVII:AC stuff either. I don't even think I _knew_ about any of those then. Shushy, I'm a bit slow.

**Disclaimer**: I still don't own Kingdom Hearts, but it _would_ make a nice present. Anyone?

* * *

Ever since Sora's question session, everyone had moved to sit towards the front. They had gotten pretty comfortable by now, and were actually holding sane conversation. Well, except for Ansem. He was mumbling about darkness.

Yuffie did have an important question, though: "Where _are_ we going, anyway?"

"You'll have to wait and see when we get there," Setsunta answered her. "'Cause it's a surprise."

"Speaking of that, are we there yet?" Kairi asked.

Everyone on the bus stiffened. "NOT YOU TOO!" they exclaimed.

Kairi sweatdropped. "I was only kidding..."

"Good. I thought you were turning into Sora," Riku told her.

"That's bad?"

"Incredibly."

"MMGHH!" Sora protested.

Kairi giggled and tweaked Riku's nose. "Now you be nice," she mock-reprimanded.

"Really though, where are we going?" Aerith asked. "And will there be beds?"

Everyone looked warily at Aerith. "I guess there will be beds, in any hotels we stay at. And the only hint I'm giving is this: there're lots of LIGHTS!" Setsunta answered after a pause.

"**NOOOOOOOO**! Not the light!" Ansem screamed. There was a slight pause, and then... "Light is goodness! And goodness should not be tolerated! The only way to survive is to OPEN YOUR HEART TO **DARKNESS**!"

Setsunta growled at him in anger. "There will be no opening of hearts to darkness on my bus!"

For the first time, the driver decided to say something. Bad planning on his part. "It's kind of my bus..."

"Don't argue with me! I organized this entire thing, god damn it, so it's **my** bus!" Setsunta yelled at the poor guy.

The driver cowered and, in doing so, almost drove off the road. Everyone in the bus screamed, followed by a chorus of "Watch where you're going!" "Are you trying to kill us?" and "Be more careful!"

"I promise I will!" the driver exclaimed, fearful of ever removing his eyes from the rode again.

"Mmghhh!"

"What do you want?" Riku asked Sora, who was desperately trying to speak through the duct tape on his mouth.

"Mmghhh!"

Kairi reached over and took the duct tape off of Sora's mouth. "Now what are you trying to say?"

"I have to go to the bathroom!" Sora said loudly.

"Too bad," Setsunta answered.

"But I'm kind of hungry..." Yuffie said, trailing off as she thought of all the food there would be at a rest stop.

"A bathroom break might actually be a good idea," Cloud reasoned. Poor Cloud is still trying to pry Aerith off of him.

"THERE'S A REST STOP!" Sora yelled.

"Fine, we'll stop," Setsunta reluctantly agreed.

"YES!"

At the rest stop, everyone was standing outside of the bus. "Okay, be back here in one hour. If you're late, you're stuck here. Understood?" Everyone nodded. "Good."

The next hour was spent eating, picnicking, chatting, Setsunta trying to steal Cloud from Aerith, basically, relaxing and stretching. Eventually, though, everyone had to meet up in front of the bus.

"Roll call time!" Setsunta exclaimed happily. "Sora?"

"Here," he answered darkly.

"Goody. Kairi?"

"Here as well."

"Perfect. Riku?"

"I'm here."

"Yuffie?"

"Where else would I be? And to save you time, Squall's also here."

"How many times am I going to have to say that it's Leon?" he asked her.

"Many, _many_ times," she answered, grinning.

"I thought I told you two to stop flirting while I was doing roll call," Setsunta said calmly.

Leon and Yuffie exclaimed, "WE'RE STILL NOT FLIRTING!"

"Whatever. Aerith?"

Aerith was too busy throwing herself all over Cloud to really pay attention.

Setsunta growled angrily for the second time that day. "STOP THAT! And listen to my roll call!"

"Of darkness!" Ansem added.

"Would you _stop that_? If you do, I'll make you more cookies." Sephiroth had gotten pretty fed up with hearing about 'darkness' every five seconds. _He_ was the evil villain, damn it, not some cheap imitation.

Ansem looked positively gleeful. "Oh, you mean your lovely cookies of darkness?"

Sephiroth's hand met his forehead. "Yes."

"Then I will stop, if only for a cookie of darkness," Ansem agreed solemnly.

Everyone else was looking at the two villains. Especially Sephiroth.

"Err, if you don't mind me asking, where did you learn to make cookies?" Kairi questioned.

Sephiroth's expression actually brightened for a moment. "Aeris taught me awhile ago-" Everyone there stared at him intently. Cloud most of all. Sephiroth realized what he had just said and glared at them. "I mean, shut up, it's none of your business."

A few minutes of awkward silence followed. People shuffled uncomfortably. Pins dropped and you could hear them. That sort of thing.

"Ooooookay. Enough of that. I'm assuming everyone's here, so get your asses moving onto the bus," Setsunta finally said.

A few minutes later on the bus, Sora was once again being tied up. He was currently protesting loudly.

"But I promise I won't ask if we're there! Please, please don't do this to me! What did I ever do to deserve it?"

"It has to be done. We can't trust you. I'm tired of hearing your whining and this is probably the only way to make you shut up," Sephiroth informed him.

"But don't you think this is too much?" Sora was preparing to beg for his freedom. He had seen the cage of rabid fangirls Setsunta had brought onto the bus.

Setsunta grinned. "I sure don't."

"But you're pure evil! You're even more evil than Ansem and Sephiroth. Combined!" Poor Sora. He's doomed.

"You'll get used to it. Maybe. Now, where to put your keyblade...if anyone else holds it for more than a couple seconds, it'll go straight back to your hands..." Setsunta pondered.

Riku raised his hand. "I can hold it."

"Oh yes, I forgot about that. Here you go!" Setsunta tossed Sora's keyblade to Riku and Sora began to cry over it.

Ansem rubbed his hands together. "Sooooo, my minion, now that you have the keyblade again, what are you going to do with it? I'm sure the darkness would love to have you back on its side."

"Shut up, Ansem. I'm just going to hold it." Riku paused. "Unless you piss me off, of course."

Sora was still moaning about his keyblade. "My baby! What am I going to do without it?"

Setsunta rolled her eyes at him as she tightened the final string. "Curl up into a ball and die."

"I would, if I wasn't TIED TO A SEAT!" he whined to her. "And get the rabid fangirls away from me!"

"We're not rabid!"

Sora shivered in fear. "Yes you are."

* * *

Mmkay, changed my mind about the CoM thing. In case no one knows, I'm an avid SoraNaminé fan. So, she will be making an appearance. I have a thing for making sure there's an even amount of people so that they can all pair off. Hehe.

Also, go check out the side story to this: Sora's Fangirl Fear. It summarizes the fangirl sections of the never to be seen again KH interviews that I once wrote. The only person who has access to those is myself, because they suck so much. I'd burn them, but they're on my laptop and I'd rather not light it on fire.

And I would like to apologize for the delay. My laptop had some...major issues. And then school started. And then more laptop issues. BUT I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! My reviews keep me going! Thanks so much!


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